What the Fuck Was I Thinking?

Welcome. The title of this post (and indeed, the blog) says it all: what the fuck was I thinking, in starting this blog? It may wind up being a failed experiment (when I fall prey to the internet predators I fear the instant I mention sensitive topics), but I’d like to use this blog to talk about sex. Sexual theory, sociology, psychology, all that good stuff. I can accomplish very few things without overthinking them ridiculously, so that might be what you see here.

I’m no stranger to the world of blogging – so don’t let the decidedly bare archive fool you. I’ve kept up a semi-private blog/journal/thing continuously since 2005, ranting to a few real-life and internet friends about my day-to-day life. However, I have also begun to explore sexuality – both my own and the concept in general – and I’m sure that my friends have very limited interest in my theorizing and my fantasies; there may well be such a thing as “too much information”. So I created this blog.

I’m very much a novice in the world of sexuality. I’m relatively young, by the world’s standards, and my sexual experience is limited to one very juvenile, rather chaste romantic involvement with a boy when I was sixteen, and one brief, also rather chaste friends-with-benefits arrangement with a girl when I was seventeen (yes, I am still a virgin in all respects, and have in fact never even had an orgasm by my own devices, which is probably a few hundred posts’ worth of rambling). However, that doesn’t stop my mind from being not particularly chaste at all, and what you’ll get here is anything I’m not too awkward to explain and rant about.

I should explain at this juncture that I’m biologically female, albeit a bit “genderqueer” in my presentation and gender identity. This means, to the casual observer, that I dress normally in what would be termed a masculine manner, wear my hair short, do not wear makeup or shave my legs, and adopt a variety of “masculine” mannerisms, in addition to enjoying the idea of passing as male and transcending gender norms. However, I don’t have a problem with the fact that it says “female” on every form of identification I have, and I don’t object to having a female name. While “bisexual” is the way I describe myself to people for simplicity’s sake, I identify more with a broader idea of “queer”, since I like to think that my sexual preferences are more complex than an either/both thing (maybe that’s a post in itself). I also have a strong interest in kink and the world of BDSM, which I don’t know lots about, but I’m very happy to talk about what I do know and learn more. I’ve recently overcome a great deal of repression about kink (though there’s still a ways to go, I think), so I’m excited to talk and put forth my ideas.

I live in California, though my particular area is rather socially conservative, and I come from a middle-class, educated background – so anything you read can be viewed through that lens.

Finally, I’ll try to post at least once a week or so, or anyway when something occurs to me. I’d appreciate comments and discussion; I want to learn just as much as I am eager to expound my views. If there’s anything sexual you’d like to hear me rant about, feel free to leave a comment and I will be happy to pontificate.

If you’re reading, thanks. I’ll be watching the stats eagerly in the hopes that someone will, anyway.

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2 Responses to “What the Fuck Was I Thinking?”

  1. pinkroses521 Says:

    i enjoyed reading your posts. i hope your blog gives you peace like mine gives me.

  2. alterisego Says:

    Thanks very much, pinkroses.

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