Why Not Therapy?

Dr. Steve made the following comment on my last post:

Hello ‘Newbie’. A search of your site suggests that the word ‘therapy’ han’t come up yet. How come? The right therapist (who’s not out to cure you or even that concerned about addressing orgasm directly) can do wonders. A general loosening up and enlivening of enthusiasm, liveliness, etc. may have great spinoff effects sexually. Freud used the word libido to cover it all if you recall.

I think about counseling/therapy/psychology/that sort of thing on and off. Mostly, I think it would be great to have someone real to talk to about a lot of issues that I can’t really share with my friends. One of the reasons I started this blog is to talk about those issues. But the chances of finding a counselor I can actually talk to are so slim. How many therapists out there are smart, slightly older people willing to talk to a smart (if I do say so myself) young adult? Most people my parents’ age automatically dismiss anything I have to say. How many therapists are going to be okay with my sexual orientation — not just bisexuality, but polyamorous tendencies, kinkiness, and all? What middle-aged man or woman would take seriously a young woman (who got mistaken for a young man today) who looks the counselor in the eye and says, “I think one of the reasons I’m having difficulty masturbating is because with my strong submissive tendencies, I find it difficult to be responsible for my own sexual pleasure”? I mean, honestly. To the vanilla world, I sound like a nutcase, and whatever treatment I got wouldn’t be the treatment I need. Besides, I don’t think a therapist could tell me anything new. If all I want is someone to talk to, it’s probably not worth the money.

In other news, I went to one of those big reasonably-priced clothing stores and bought some new clothes today: a couple guys’ sweaters, because I just don’t have enough warm clothes, but also a women’s sweater, shirt and skirt. I don’t know why — they looked pretty and they were mostly on sale, but chances are I’ll never wear them. Right now, even, I’m too nervous to try them on and parade in front of the mirror, afraid of triggering a gender identity crisis. This happens most of the time I try to wear women’s clothing. I have the figure to carry it off; I’m of average height for a woman, and skinny; my breasts are not large but appropriately proportioned to my body, somewhere in the netherland between A and B cup size. Clothes do hang well on me. But then I see hair cut like a man’s, legs that have never seen a razor in their lives, a makeup-less face with spots of acne. I’d look just fine if I were a nerdy guy who’s not trying to be an Abercrombie model — but to be a girl that’s not good enough. And I feel very awkward in a skirt, with no material between my legs, and I give up. This happens once every few weeks.

I’m sorry to sound overwhelmingly negative. The past couple days I’ve been kind of screwed up emotionally, which is partly hormonal and partly not. This blog is meant to be rational, though, so I do apologize for foisting off uncontrolled rant on my small audience.

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2 Responses to “Why Not Therapy?”

  1. You’re right to be cautious. And if what you’re curently doing is working out, good – psychotherapy certainly isn’t the only way forward. May I make a couple of quick comments pro therapy, though?
    1. If there are other issues ‘behind’, as it were, your sexual difficulties, psychotherapy may be helpful with those. What I’m thinking of is personal difficulties which contribute to the sexual difficulaties or which are the result of the sexual difficulties. (The idea that it’s unlikely you’ll find anyone who won’t think you’re a ‘nutcase’, for instance.)
    2. If you do decide to try, it might be that a more psychoanalytically oriented therapist would work well because their training helps them to get you to talk more freely – not to impose their values on you.
    3. They’re still human beings, of course. So a therpaist who has experience working with matters of sexuality would be a good thing.
    4. One proviso. Don’t assume that a gay therapist will be better for you because you’re not ‘vanilla’. The is a very strong gay belief – as I’m sure you know – that bisexuals are really homosexuals. This despite the knee-jerk way people talk about ‘the gay and bisexual community.’
    All the best.

  2. alterisego Says:

    Thanks for your thoughts. :)

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