Call me ridiculous, but…

I mean, I admit I don’t have a clue RL-wise what I’m talking about, but I find myself rather annoyed by the capitalization questions that go with “dominant” and “submissive”. A lot of folks seem to find the need to capitalize “dominant”, “dom” (and its annoying counterpart, “domme” — I hate all those feminine forms, though, like “actress” and “waitress”) and that sort of thing. Some folks, if they’re in full-time D/s (dammit, there, I even did it myself) relationships, seem to capitalize the dominant partner’s name, but not the submissive partner’s. I really don’t see the point. As a pedant, it bothers me because it defies the rules of English grammar, where proper nouns (like names) are capitalized and common nouns (like “dom”) are not. And as a person who gets to read about the ways in which BDSM works and tries to understand what it’s all about, it comes off as very pretentious and ridiculous.

Yeah, maybe it’s because that’s just not the way my fantasies play out. My personal idea of submission doesn’t really incorporate the concept of venerating or elevating or worshipping or whatever the person to whom I’m submitting. It works by putting me on a lower level, but not putting the other person on a higher one. Obviously, everyone’s fantasies are unique — but even if you’re into the whole venerating the dominant kind of thing, why capitalization conventions? I think it seems particularly bizarre because the use of power in a non-sexual context doesn’t involve screwing with grammar. Why does the fact that it’s consensual change the rules in that regard?

I wanted to make this rant, and now that I’ve done it I feel sort of embarrassed. I’m eager to admit as a disclaimer that I have no fucking clue what I’m talking about; if I’ve offended anyone it’s out of ignorance. But I do know from experience that as soon as anyone enters the world of sexual labels, they risk offending someone. So I guess I apologize for offending someone — but not really.


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