About

Welcome to the world of my alter-ego.

I’ve kept a semi-private blog for my real-life friends since 2005, but I started password-protecting so many entries that it just wasn’t worth it anymore. So now I’ve gone public, and I’ve gone anonymous (though some of my real-life friends still know I write this), with one goal: to talk about sex. I’m a virgin myself, but I’ve read enough and heard enough to give me some background knowledge, and the point of this blog is really to analyze and pontificate, something you don’t need real-world experience for.

My first post gives you a bit more background, so I thought I’d use this space to just give you a bit of quick context.

Not only am I inexperienced, I’m kind of sexually repressed, I suppose. I’ve never had an orgasm and at one point I was quite determined to, but I never enjoyed masturbation either (something to do with gender dysphoria and my vulva), so I just decided I’d give it some time. That strategy of denial’s worked pretty well so far. I had one conventional teenage “relationship” with a boy, which lasted a few months. The farthest we got was making out. I didn’t like it very much. I’ve kissed a girl, and I liked that a lot better. I think it might have had more to do with the individuals involved than the general idea.

I’ve occasionally thought that the whole masturbation thing might mean I’m asexual, but I don’t think so. I’m definitely attracted to people and their bodies. I’m kinda-sorta bisexual: I find women’s bodies far more attractive than men’s, but for emotional reasons I’d be willing to pursue a “relationship” with either a man or a woman. This might have a partial connection with the fact that I have an androgynous “look” and consider myself gender-nonconforming, with a female body but a mix of masculine and feminine characteristics. I’ve shied away from the “transgender” label, though, because I’m still pretty much rooted in my tits—but seeing as it’s the word I’m nervous about, this is probably just internalized transphobia (are you getting used to the way I analyze myself yet?).

The aspect of my sexuality that I’m most actively trying to work out is my sexual preferences (the term I use for what I’d actually want to do “in bed”). I’ve got a strong interest in the world of BDSM (which stands for “bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism”). I’ve been the most closeted about this part of me, and yet I’m the most eager to explore it. It’s probably the sex thing you’ll see me write about most. I’m most interested in the D/s part of the acronym (dominance and submission), usually from the submissive side. This has been a part of my sexuality from a very young age—I grew up a straight-and-narrow girly-girl, but from the age of six I fantasized about imprisonment and slavery. So don’t knock it, because it’s who I am, and I know that even though I haven’t seen much porn or anything like that—just read content that’s not meant to be arousing.

So yep. I’m writing to reassure myself, to hear the sound of my own voice, to tell people like me that they’re not alone, to exchange information, to become famous. If you’ve made it to the bottom of this page, go comment on something to make me happy. It’s a trite line I stole from someone a long time ago for the ends of my about pages, but thanks for listening.

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