Archive for the Other Category

Happy International Fetish Day!

Posted in Other on January 16, 2009 by alterisego

I don’t have time for a proper post, but I did want to mark the occasion. The Guardian has more.

Kink For All!

Posted in Other on December 17, 2008 by alterisego

If there’s anyone who reads this blog who doesn’t read Eileen, I’d like to point them to her post on Kink For All, a brilliant “unconference” about gender and sexuality that’s hopefully going to occur in NYC in March. I’ll be there, and so should you—check out http://kinkforall.org for more info.

lol 19th-century romantic poetry

Posted in Kink, Other, Real Life on October 20, 2008 by alterisego

I enjoy finding references to the covertly salacious in the canon of great Western literature:

And Julia sate with Juan, half embraced
And half retiring from the glowing arm,
Which trembled like the bosom where ‘t was placed;
Yet still she must have thought there was no harm,
Or else ‘t were easy to withdraw her waist;
But then the situation had its charm,
And then—God knows what next—I can’t go on;
I ‘m almost sorry that I e’er begun.

O Plato! Plato! you have paved the way,
With your confounded fantasies, to more
Immoral conduct by the fancied sway
Your system feigns o’er the controulless core
Of human hearts, than all the long array
Of poets and romancers:—You ‘re a bore,
A charlatan, a coxcomb—and have been,
At best, no better than a go-between.

And Julia’s voice was lost, except in sighs,
Until too late for useful conversation;
The tears were gushing from her gentle eyes,
I wish indeed they had not had occasion,
But who, alas! can love, and then be wise?
Not that remorse did not oppose temptation;
A little still she strove, and much repented
And whispering ‘I will ne’er consent’—consented.

Am I part of the patriarchy?

Posted in Other on July 21, 2008 by alterisego

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about my private fantasies, which I rarely discuss even with people I know are cool with BDSM, and how they fit into notions of privilege and patriarchy and buzzwords like that which I’ve started, inexplicably, to throw around a lot more these days.

So here’s the problem: the most potent of my fantasies, as I’ve discussed, exist in an explicitly gendered context. I don’t know what you’d call it—a fetish? a kink?—but undeniably there’s some part of me that gets off explicitly on the notion of men dominating women. Of sexually reinforcing the patriarchy and traditional gender roles, in a dehumanizing context.

Of course, all this is couched in notions of consent and, most importantly, fantasy. I think that, for the most part, I do feel okay with the fact that I think about things like this, and that I don’t see it as inherently amoral or objectionable to fantasize. However, I’m hesitant to think that I’d ever let these fantasies see the light of day, and if I ever did, it would definitely be in private and I’d have to really fucking trust the person with whom I were to act them out. There’s something too dangerous about playing with patriarchy, to my mind.

I worry about my desires, though, because they’re still quite potent, no matter how I bury them. I’m worried that I subvert the kink community’s aims to not be seen as tools of the patriarchy, and to emphasize that BDSM activities are safe and healthy and do not, of course, strictly take place in an M/f context. As a proud feminist, I want to reconcile my feminism with my kinkiness. But I can’t help wondering if I am, in fact, a tool of the patriarchy. It wouldn’t surprise me if, on a subconscious level, I developed my desires in response to real-life M/f dynamics that I’ve worked so hard to overthrow. Maybe it’s a way of letting go and not trying so hard to work outside of that paradigm. Or something like that. Maybe there’s just something sexy about being subjugated that is easy to contextualize in power dynamics that already exist in real life. But whatever it is, am I playing neatly into a radical feminist assumption that I’m only into BDSM because the patriarchy wants me to be?

Subversive Submissive noted in an excellent post that certain groups which promote “gender essentialism” (good phrase) are not representative of or even always condoned by the kink community. I think that’s a great thing to emphasize, though I wonder still whether what I think is, well, PC. I know it’s difficult for kink to be politically correct at all, but I feel like I’m straying into forbidden zones.

I hate this feeling

Posted in Other on June 14, 2008 by alterisego

I hate having a crush on someone. It makes me into a person I really find very irritating. I have only contempt for the girls I interact with in classes and whatnot who are always mooning about some boy. I hate it when I get fixated on a person and I end up doing the same thing. But I’m so easily obsessed! I’m thrown into depression by every moment I can’t spend with the person; when we’re hanging out and they leave I silently wish they’d take me with them. I’m too shy to start up conversations with them; I’ll stare at their green dot in AIM and hope to see the icon that they’re typing. Of course, I think about them all the time too, both fantasizing them doing lovely unspeakable things to me and just imagining spending time together (I have a vivid imagination, and my fantasy is quite often totally non-sexual).

I had a boyfriend once, and I made a mistake with that for a variety of reasons. But one of them was that I was crushing on someone else at the time, and I couldn’t put that person out of my head. I said yes to the boyfriend because I knew the crush would never have me—we’d worked that out between us—but all the while, in my head, it wasn’t my boyfriend I was making out with.

It consumes me and it’s so ridiculous, and I can’t get rid of it. I hold these crushes for long periods of time: I’ve had only two major ones in the past eight years or so. I go back and forth to other people sometimes—but I always think that if I were to get together with someone else, I would be emotionally unfaithful to them—I still couldn’t get the crush out of my head.

You know what’s fun?

Posted in Other, Porn/Erotica on February 10, 2008 by alterisego

Being able to click the “I am over 18” buttons in all honesty. Whee, I am actually allowed to be on the adult Internet!

Oh Oscar, you’re so witty…

Posted in Other on January 28, 2008 by alterisego

We were reading this passage from Lady Windermere’s Fan in English today — it’s a play by everyone’s favourite late Victorian writer, Oscar Wilde. Three characters are talking about a party one of them is having, and Lord Darlington very much wants to go:

I may come tonight, mayn’t I? Do let me come.

It never ceases to amaze me the times in which I’m the only person in the room giggling uncontrollably.